I am unpredictable

Today was the day my coworker decided to tell me about her pregnancy. Although I have "known" for over a month, I took it way harder than I predicted. I said all of the right things and so did she but I cried my eyes out the whole way home. Just to think all of these people around me get to see a positive pregnancy test and get excited, hear the heartbeat and eventually get their baby... It's really almost too much to bear. I am seriously wondering how I am going to deal with this every single day. Watching her get bigger and everyone around her be so excited and ask questions that I AM DYING TO BE ABLE TO BE ASKED. IT's her and it's so much more. It's that she has what I want. It's that I have to be polite and smile and on the inside I am screaming. So many of us got this unfair hand dealt to us. The lows that infertility can cause us to hit are cruel. Why is this so hard?