It Starts

Ok so I know I know. Blogging is now a dime a dozen. I agree....But I suddenly felt a pang of envy for all those bloggers that I have read. I thought to myself, "Hey that must be nice to get all those feelings out and people are actually commenting along." So, I am doing it. I am a blogger. There I said it...

So my road begins with none other than my emotional turmoil right now. I have had three miscarriages and am trying desperately with F(my Husband) to make a baby. I mean come on. How hard can this be right?? I watch people all over the place do it. I am a teacher so I can see lots and lots of proof of this on a daily basis. So why not me? Not in the Nancy Kerrigan sort of way, but a legitimate question. One that I would REALLY love an answer to.

So I sought to find one. I was sent to a.....(drum roll....) Reproductive Endocrinologist. I walked in the office on the day of my appointment with F by my side. I think we were actually expecting to walk out pregnant. Well, maybe not pregnant, but definitely with extremely clear driection on how to become so. We were really excited. Well here I am months later, seeing a different doc eveytime I go. And guess what...No baby. As a matter of fact, no real answers either.

This week I am having my work-up done. "Oh ok sounds good." I said like the little pleaser I am when it comes to people that I think know more than me. SO I had a Hysteroscopy. They said it would be uncomfortable. Well let me tell you. It HURT!!!!!! I am not a complainer of pain. I don't run to the doctors for anything. In essence, I really think I have a good handle on pain. Now I know. I do not. I didn't let on too too much to the doctor but I was definitely screaming on the inside. Add that to the humiliation of seeing my "full frontal" on the sreen as the doctor brought the weirdo camera speculum towards me. Ugh. I almost have to laugh.

Doc found a polyp and said that it could be the cause of the miscarriages. I said "Excuse me but all three? Really?" He said.."Well polys are definitely associated with miscarriages." Now let me say. My docs are very nice. But I actually own a computer with internet access. Being home all summer with this tool is in my opinion, the equivalent of going to Reproductive Endocrinology School. I know A LOT. Graduated Summa Cum Laude I think. But The reason I go to the doctor is to find out what my body is doing. MY BODY. Not the stattistics or what is the "norm." I may share this when I go to my next procedure tomorrow.

Please.
Please.
Pray for me that it is better than the hysteroscopy yesterday.

I will be back to let you know the results. Or at least my version of the experience.