Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Hello. Bee are you there??

I am doing one thing over the next month. I am trying to find myself. I have been focusing almost totally on getting pregnant, and after having a meltdown on Saturday, I decided enough is enough. I need to be happy about other things again. The thing is, I am a lucky girl. I LOVE everything about my life. I have the greatest Husband, i could not have picked a better career for myself, I have a fun family. I have good friends. I have fun a lot.

So even as I write this, why am I not more grateful? I don't know but I plan to be. I decided that I will mark down the days I need to BD and after that I will do my VERY VERY VERY best not to count days or anything like that. I am not going to stop trying, but I am going to stop obsessing. My best girlfriend at work just told me she plans to start trying in May. Why does that feel like a sort of deadline for me? Will I always feel a sense of "Please let me be pregnant by then."

I need to let go of that.

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