Monday, March 23, 2009

IUI Numero Dos

Took approximately 5 seconds. The doc said again "Ok hopefully this is it and you're pregnant.' This time I was fine with it and may have even chuckled. I am thinking I must still be as positive as last week. I have a weird feeling that me going back to church a few weeks ago may just have something to do with it. Does that sound crazy? Like all of a sudden I have a new strength and outlook. It's not my nature to be so blindly optimistic. I like it. I hope it stays haha.

Oh, and for the first time in my 5 cycles on clomid I had TWO eggs rather than just my one. Does that double my chances?? I have no information on this. I told F that he should get ready for twins. Who am I these days? I am even alright with the fact of it not working. I keep telling myself that even a fertile woman could possibly not get pregnant during these 2 iui's as well.

I am sending my new found optimism out to all of you!! We deserve it!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Positivity and Springtime!

Because I have been extremely positive this month. Not that I am positive that the iui will work, but just positive in general. I feel more at peace with letting things happen in their own time. I don't know why but I just feel like it IS going to happen. I have no clue how long this new found positivity will last so I am trying to enjoy every second of it. I will most likely have my iui's this weekend and I am glad to get to this point again. Anyone have any advice for how many times you would try clomid plus iui?

I just wanted to say thanks for the well wishing and encouragement. It really helps. Keep praying for me! (I always include the infertile bloggers in mine; ) )

I am so excited that spring is almost here. I never remember how much I love it until it rolls around. I take full advantage of being outside because I wasn't able to for so long. Ok now don't roll your eyes but I would like to make another infertile analogy.

I love Spring but never as much as when it finally rolls around. I feel like I have to go through my least favorite season of winter before I can truly appreciate the Spring and all of it's glory. Maybe, that's what it will be like when I have a baby. Coming into spring after a long cold winter. I will appreciate it so much more.

Feel free to roll your eyes and smile haha. I just did when I reread the analogy. Who am I today?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Good News&Bad News but nothing monumental

Ok. You want the Bad news first right? My best friend emailed me yesterday and you guessed it... She's pregnant...... again. Now I know that shouldn't count as bad news and of course I don't mean the actual baby is bad news. But I have been trying since she was pregnant with her first. For her to be pregnant again really knocks me down. I am trying to stay positive, but 2009 has been awful so far. I sprained my back last week. I couldn't walk for three days, missed my nephews Confirmation ( I was his sponsor).I have a class trip tomorrow and am worried about the pain I will be in tomorrow night because I am throwing my hubby a party on Friday. I have no clue how I am going to set up for it since I can barely stand up straight!
I have been sick with 2 stomach viruses, and bronchitis, IuI #1 was a bust and I am surrounded by pregnant women. Literally, surrounded. I hear a new prego announcement weekly. I am horrible but I really can't bear another. It boggles my mind to think of how easy for some it is. Like my friend just took a test this week and has no qualms at a ll about telling me. It's foreign to me that a positive pregnancy test naturally equals a baby. Not for me times 1-2-3. (I thought rhyming might make that last line a little less grim.) Now I didn't cry with the announcement and I was so thankful to her for telling me through email a few days before the party n Friday. I told her that's how I would want to find out and she complied. It's never easy but at least finding out on email gives me a moment to comprehend my feelings. I prefer this so that when I get around to the Congratulations, I can really mean it. So I said it and all but to be honest, all I can think of is myself. I just keep globalizing my infertility. I wonder and wonder how long this journey will be. If it ends or if it doesn't. Could I still be here 2 months from now? 2 years from now? Forever?

The good news. I wish this one was a bit longer but,,
I usually only write on my blog when I have something bothering me and I NEED to let it out. I am so appreciative to the kind words you send back to me. Truly, it helps. Plus, I feel like maybe just maybe I am not as crazy as I think I am. So, I haven't been updating quite so often which is good news in that I am not only focusing on IF. (Even as I write this I am thinking this is a stretch for good news Bee.) I am trying to come up with other good news. I'm stumped. Of course there is always my hubby, he is wonderful and we are happy as ever so that's good. I guess my good news is weak. Hopefully I can post some good news soon. Anything.

So nothing monumental is going on. I sound like a boo hooer again. Oh and I am doing another IUI this month. Comid again Yippee! If anyone has advice to get me back to having more hope than cynicism PLEASE share. I would love to be that way again!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Not Pregnant

The first two words I read today.

So I have to admit I had a pretty strong feeling it would say that. I know my ultimate goal is to see Pregnant, but when you have lost 3 pregnancies out of 3, that word is terrifying as much as it is exciting. I am ok. A little bummed the iui didn't work, I am pretty unsure of what to do next. I am thinking a repeat of this cycle.

In other news. I am sick AGAIN.I have no clue what is going on here in Philadelphia, but everyone seems sick and the cycle seems like it will never end. We had a snow day yesterday though so at least I got to rest.

Hope all of you are in good spirits and thanks to so many of you who encouraged me from the L&F board. It was so nice.