Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Good News&Bad News but nothing monumental

Ok. You want the Bad news first right? My best friend emailed me yesterday and you guessed it... She's pregnant...... again. Now I know that shouldn't count as bad news and of course I don't mean the actual baby is bad news. But I have been trying since she was pregnant with her first. For her to be pregnant again really knocks me down. I am trying to stay positive, but 2009 has been awful so far. I sprained my back last week. I couldn't walk for three days, missed my nephews Confirmation ( I was his sponsor).I have a class trip tomorrow and am worried about the pain I will be in tomorrow night because I am throwing my hubby a party on Friday. I have no clue how I am going to set up for it since I can barely stand up straight!
I have been sick with 2 stomach viruses, and bronchitis, IuI #1 was a bust and I am surrounded by pregnant women. Literally, surrounded. I hear a new prego announcement weekly. I am horrible but I really can't bear another. It boggles my mind to think of how easy for some it is. Like my friend just took a test this week and has no qualms at a ll about telling me. It's foreign to me that a positive pregnancy test naturally equals a baby. Not for me times 1-2-3. (I thought rhyming might make that last line a little less grim.) Now I didn't cry with the announcement and I was so thankful to her for telling me through email a few days before the party n Friday. I told her that's how I would want to find out and she complied. It's never easy but at least finding out on email gives me a moment to comprehend my feelings. I prefer this so that when I get around to the Congratulations, I can really mean it. So I said it and all but to be honest, all I can think of is myself. I just keep globalizing my infertility. I wonder and wonder how long this journey will be. If it ends or if it doesn't. Could I still be here 2 months from now? 2 years from now? Forever?

The good news. I wish this one was a bit longer but,,
I usually only write on my blog when I have something bothering me and I NEED to let it out. I am so appreciative to the kind words you send back to me. Truly, it helps. Plus, I feel like maybe just maybe I am not as crazy as I think I am. So, I haven't been updating quite so often which is good news in that I am not only focusing on IF. (Even as I write this I am thinking this is a stretch for good news Bee.) I am trying to come up with other good news. I'm stumped. Of course there is always my hubby, he is wonderful and we are happy as ever so that's good. I guess my good news is weak. Hopefully I can post some good news soon. Anything.

So nothing monumental is going on. I sound like a boo hooer again. Oh and I am doing another IUI this month. Comid again Yippee! If anyone has advice to get me back to having more hope than cynicism PLEASE share. I would love to be that way again!!


jessica56 said...

I am sorry about your "bad news"- I can totally relate. But it is nice to hear that your friend emailed you- I agree it is much easier to deal with when you have some time to digest your thoughts and feelings. Good luck on this IUI cycle!!

Emily said...

Sorry to hear the news & sorry things have been so crappy lately. We have been through so bad stretches too, it stinks. Hoping good news and better times are just around the corner. GL with IUI!