Good News&Bad News but nothing monumental

Ok. You want the Bad news first right? My best friend emailed me yesterday and you guessed it... She's pregnant...... again. Now I know that shouldn't count as bad news and of course I don't mean the actual baby is bad news. But I have been trying since she was pregnant with her first. For her to be pregnant again really knocks me down. I am trying to stay positive, but 2009 has been awful so far. I sprained my back last week. I couldn't walk for three days, missed my nephews Confirmation ( I was his sponsor).I have a class trip tomorrow and am worried about the pain I will be in tomorrow night because I am throwing my hubby a party on Friday. I have no clue how I am going to set up for it since I can barely stand up straight!
I have been sick with 2 stomach viruses, and bronchitis, IuI #1 was a bust and I am surrounded by pregnant women. Literally, surrounded. I hear a new prego announcement weekly. I am horrible but I really can't bear another. It boggles my mind to think of how easy for some it is. Like my friend just took a test this week and has no qualms at a ll about telling me. It's foreign to me that a positive pregnancy test naturally equals a baby. Not for me times 1-2-3. (I thought rhyming might make that last line a little less grim.) Now I didn't cry with the announcement and I was so thankful to her for telling me through email a few days before the party n Friday. I told her that's how I would want to find out and she complied. It's never easy but at least finding out on email gives me a moment to comprehend my feelings. I prefer this so that when I get around to the Congratulations, I can really mean it. So I said it and all but to be honest, all I can think of is myself. I just keep globalizing my infertility. I wonder and wonder how long this journey will be. If it ends or if it doesn't. Could I still be here 2 months from now? 2 years from now? Forever?

The good news. I wish this one was a bit longer but,,
I usually only write on my blog when I have something bothering me and I NEED to let it out. I am so appreciative to the kind words you send back to me. Truly, it helps. Plus, I feel like maybe just maybe I am not as crazy as I think I am. So, I haven't been updating quite so often which is good news in that I am not only focusing on IF. (Even as I write this I am thinking this is a stretch for good news Bee.) I am trying to come up with other good news. I'm stumped. Of course there is always my hubby, he is wonderful and we are happy as ever so that's good. I guess my good news is weak. Hopefully I can post some good news soon. Anything.

So nothing monumental is going on. I sound like a boo hooer again. Oh and I am doing another IUI this month. Comid again Yippee! If anyone has advice to get me back to having more hope than cynicism PLEASE share. I would love to be that way again!!