The End is Near

At my RE office. They told me today that I graduate next week. I can't believe it. What happened? When did this happen? All the nurse's were saying how fast it went and I can't believe it, but I agree. I am a little scared but happy at the same time. Is this real? Am I going to have a baby? Ridiculous questions to some people at almost 10 weeks pregnant, but I am asking them nonetheless. The little muffin was wiggling around today and I have been on the verge of tears(of joy) all day.

I hate rereading this blog. I never hear me. I have always been the life of the party/ funny girl but this blog is so dark. I guess it's where I can see what IF did to me. How it changed me. But I want to put an end to the darkness. I need to find a way of writing the real me. I am so happy to b pregnant. I hope it will catch up to me that it means I will have a baby in 7 months from today. FROM TODAY. I am baffled and confused and can not seem to make the connection. I bet all pregnant women feel like this at least for a minute.

9 Weeks and a LONG day

So I think I have mentioned repeatedly how tired I am. It's seriously ridiculous. Now, I have always been a tired person. I have always enjoyed naps after work. I'm talking like 2 hour naps too. But lately, I get no relief from the naps or sleeping. I wake up tired! I was in bed by 9:15 last night until 7:15 am. A very good night's sleep right?? Well then why now at 11:30 am am I yawning in front of my poor students too tired to talk? I am literally too tired to teach. Thank god I need to catch up on writing assignments which require a lot of independent work on their part. Small favors....

Now to top this off, I usually drive home like a maniac so I can be napping by 3:30. I am very lucky for my teacher's schedule right now. BUT.... dun dun dun dun... I am starting school for my masters tonight. 4:15 to 9:30. The old me would have cringed at the thought of this. This version of me is seriously wondering how I am going to make it. Right now I feel like I could sleep standing up. Put me in a class for 5 hours and there is NO telling what will happen. I am staying away from caffeine but do you think that I could splurge on Tuesdays?? I don't know. I doubt I will. But this is scary to me. Sleep is Priority numero uno at this point.

I am not complaining about being tired. In fact, of all the pregnancy symptoms to get, it's not too bad. I mean, I havent felt sick more than twice so I am pretty lucky. I would gladly accept (maybe with a few complaints) anything I have to do to get a healthy baby here, but darn it if being exhausted every second of the day doesn't make it difficult to accomplish things! I am a neat freak whose house looks like it belongs to someone else. F tries to help but he works constantly and to be honest, he doesn't clean the way I like it to be done. I can handle a less than perfect house right now though. I just hope I get a little more energy soon so I can be of some use... to myself.

Enough rambling. Hope all is well.

8 weeks

I am happy today. Not that 8 weeks is a magical milestone, but I am happy because I am starting to believe I am pregnant. I know it may sound crazy but I have been trying so hard not to get excited that I didn't realize that it was actually working. Last Friday when I saw the heartbeat again at 166, I saw things from a new point of view. I saw my baby. So tiny and so new but I felt like I was withholding myself from this little guy( I keep saying guy). I felt sad for myself and the baby. No matter what happens, what is happening now is real and I am so happy to be here. I am still praying hard and taking special care, but here I am still getting great news on every doctor's appointment. I need to enjoy this. I need to start dreaming of the possibilities. I am already in love.