I took a test

*If today is a bad day for you STOP here.*

I got a BFP this morning! I am very guarded though. I can't go over the moon excited as I have been in these shoes before.. three times. I woke up at about 6:30. I couldn't go another day without testing. I FULLY expected to see negative but I didn't care. I just wanted the curiosity OVER with! The wondering was getting to me and since I am on progesterone, I was seriously acting like a crazy woman! SO.. I took the test, watched the second line form and paced the house for about 5 minutes. I am grateful, but a little sad that all I really feel right now is... terror. This could very well happen to me all over again. Another loss. I know I shouldn't approach it like that, but the time I let myself get fully excited was almost too much for me to handle when it didn't work out. I called the doc immediately and didn't even tell F. I just went to the doc.


I have off this week since I am a Philadelphia public school teacher so I was lucky I could head right into the doctor's. I was shaking the whole drive there. In fact that's all I actually remember about the drive haha. Anyway, they took my blood and congratulated me and told me they would call with the results. Well, they just called. My 13dpo beta is 100. Is that ok?? I know the last one I had was 50 on day 15, so I know this one is better, but is it too low? Oh god these are the thoughts only someone with IF would ask. Other people just get to be happy! Boo hoo for me I know, BUT I will say that the pain of getting this far and lsing it is worse to me than having a negative test. I have got to be guarded even though I know I am stronger this time than I was last time. Please pray for me. This is truly my scariest time. I need to try to relax!